Dear Kid Saturday,

Dear Nick,
This has been a rough year for you. Your best friend has been going through chemo and you don't quite understand why you can't see him. Your big brother is living far away and we haven't been able to see him since August. And because of your dad's work schedule you don't get to visit him too often. And now we are moving...again.
You are such a trooper though. I know you are hurting inside, alot, but you keep going, keep trucking along.
Gavin lost his hair because of the chemo and you insisted that I 'bic' your head. You didn't even complain when I knicked you a little bit, ok a lot. You are upset because right now your hair is about a half an inch long and we need to shave it again. You said you will keep it shaved til Gavin's grows back. You are such an amazing friend.
You're a great big brother too. MJ adores you! She loves her 'bubba' and sometimes noone else is good enough to calm her down. You're really good with Kait too. You make sure she is careful when you're waiting for the bus and worry about her when she falls down and gets hurt.
You amaze me every day. You are turning into a man before my eyes. Sometimes I miss the little cuddly baby you were. I think you know when I am having these moments cause you walk into the room and give me a hug and tell me you love me.
We have been through so much together baby boy. I think sometimes about how close I have come to losing you in the past and think you must be here to accomplish some pretty amazing things. You are sweet, loving, funny and I have the privelege of calling you mine.
Butterfinger Babe!
Mom

Home Sweet Home

Did you ever have that one place as a kid or even as an adult that you knew you could always go to no matter what? Home right? Where you grew up, or maybe a special fort in the back yard or maybe you could just close your eyes and imagine it.

I grew up in different apartments, I never thought anything wrong with it but I was always a little jealous of my friends who had houses. That's why I loved going to Grandma's house so much. As a little girl I spent a lot of time there. Walking back and forth to school, playing on the swing set she kept for us, riding bikes up and down the street. Even after I got older and started driving and hanging out most of the time with my friends, I still went to Grandma's at least once a week. She was my best shopping buddy, the best cook and I just liked sitting and talking or watching TV together.

I've lived with Grandma quite a bit throughout my life, and turning down her street I always knew I was almost home. I've had just about every birthday, Christmas whatever occasion you can think of there, the same with my kids.

Grandma has been living in an assisted living facility for over a year now, and it is a wonderful place and I am glad she is being looked after and being taken care of. However this means that Grandma's house needs to be sold.

I was there while they were packing it up and readying it for sale. I've been down there while it's been staged for open houses, and even when it's been empty. I spent a couple hours down there on Christmas just because it seemed right.

The house is closing today. I can't be in denial anymore. I have to face up to the facts it's not my home anymore. And you know, I don't think it's the house I am afraid of losing. I have realized through all of this that I grew up extremely lucky. You see my family was always together, aunts, uncles, cousins. Birthdays, holidays, Tuesdays we were always at Grandma's together. I am scared about what is going to happen without the house to be our meeting point. I am afraid that I am going to lose the closeness of my family. In small ways I can already see it happening. I am also terrified that I will never be able to give my kids that awesome feeling of always knowing where you could turn to.

And more than anything I am scared of losing Grandma. I know it sounds ridiculous but the house being sold makes it all real. Grandma is never going to go home again, at least not to her house. I need to visit her more and I know its selfish and not fair to her, but I always want to remember her at home sitting in her chair amongst all of her magazines and publishers clearing house finds drinking her coffee eating her coffee cake and talking so much that you can't really pay attention any more. I want her to be able to go shopping with me again, go out to lunch. I miss that so very much.

I guess that's it, just needed to get it all off my chest. I can't be in denial anymore. My heart will always be there, that will always be home to me. Even if some strange new family is living there. I will always remember it exactly as it was, with the red and white siding, the shrubs along the walkway, the giant pine trees that were our secret hideout and the furniture that hasn't been moved since sometime in the 80's. Good thing I have a lifetime of memories and the pictures to match to refresh once in a while.

A Survey from "Aunt Becky"

I'm doin a survey today folks thanks to Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka. Check it out. Check her out, its good times!

"1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?
I really don't know about cheese in a can..I guess its ok. I don't regularly buy it but Ill eat it if it is offered.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.
Hmmmm...I really don't watch them or read anything about them so in my little corner of the world they're already gone. :)

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?
ummm,, Joey Mcintyre of New Kids on the Block

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?
To be an amazingly awesome photographer who also is a world famous singing sensation!

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?
Maybe, but once in awhile id like to kick someone. :)

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?
I fell flat on my ass in the walmart parking lot, my flipflop slipped on the wet concrete and me and my bag of groceries took a good spill. About 5 'cartpushers' rushed over to help me out.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?
I think so, considering I am pretty boring both in real life and on the internet

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?
I would love to be able to draw.

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?
of course!

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?"
internet tv